- Sleep is the WORST!! Avoid it at all costs. No matter how sleepy you are, as soon as they put you down in your cot, either a). turn it into play time or b) scream at the top your voice. If you are being held in a manner that could get you sleepy, push against the person holding you as hard as you can, and try to crawl down them if possible – otherwise you could find yourself giving in to the sleep temptation. Stay strong!
- Any time between 4am and 6am is perfect for conversation. You must welcome each day with loud squeals and excited movements no matter how tired your parents are. If the grown-ups don’t respond to your excitement within a couple of minutes then register your displeasure with equally loud crying.
- No matter what it is or where it’s been, if you can reach it then you MUST put it in your mouth.
- Movement makes everything better. Being rocked is good but it’s much better if the grown-up holding you walks around in circles at least five times, or paces back and forth, before you decide to calm down.
- Feeding time is also a great time for sight-seeing. Your mother must compete for your attention with the curtain, wall, or pretty much anything that is not the source of your food. If anyone walks by, or there is any type of noise anywhere close by, it is very important you look at whatever it is immediately.
- On that note, meal times are great for practicing martial arts. You must try karate chops and judo hands, fending off the food being stuffed into your mouth, to let the person feeding you know that you’re full. You can also rip off your bib as soon as you are done. Applaud yourself for the eating progress you have made.
- Corners and ceilings are especially fascinating and worthy of great attention.
- The correct way to play peek-a-boo with someone is to cover your mouth and the lower part of your face. If that is covered, then they can’t see you.
- If you would like to share something, when they say ‘thank you’, hold it out to them, but don’t let go – the essence of sharing is to keep a firm grasp on the item being shared. They should understand and appreciate the generous gesture. If protocol is broken and the item offered is actually taken, get it back as quickly as possible.
10.You must be your own most enthusiastic cheerleader. Any phrase with the word ‘good’ is obviously in reference to you so you must immediately stop what you are doing to clap for yourself. This is most true when they say ‘good job’ because you’re the best at everything!
11. You must also be your own entertainment. It is completely okay to tell yourself jokes and burst out laughing while sitting by yourself in a corner. Singing (humming) to yourself and dancing to your own song also works when you can’t think of a joke.
12. The best way to show affection for something or someone, is to repeatedly pound on it as hard as you can. This also works for showing appreciation for things around you whether it’s a table or your mummy’s face. Especially mummy’s face-slap that with all you have because she knows the more pain she feels, the more love you’re expressing.
13. Pay no attention to the etiquette police. It is completely acceptable to pick other people’s nose. You must however resist any attempt by your parents to clean your own at all cost.
14. Food tastes better if it’s coming from someone else’s plate and not your own. It doesn’t matter if you’ve just eaten; if someone else serves themselves food, you are entitled to whatever is on their plate.
So much to learn from life!